


Cold as Stone

by Lil_Lottie



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kili has anxiety, Legolas is endlessly patient, M/M, Nightmares, Post Return of the King, it gets soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23047198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Lottie/pseuds/Lil_Lottie
Summary: “Kili?” It looked like Legolas was taking a moment to think this over, “Oh yes, Kili. We are… married, are we not? I have neither the time nor patience for silly dwarves and their silly fantasties,” the elf pulled the wedding ring off his finger and let it drop to the ground as if it meant nothing.And then Kili watched in horror as Legolas walked away from him.
Relationships: Kíli/Legolas Greenleaf
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	Cold as Stone

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you once again to Tori for being my wonderful beta I owe you so much.
> 
> And thank you to Del for your endless encouragements. I wouldn’t have finished it if it wasn’t for you. 
> 
> There’s a couple OC’s. The first one is Frerin, Fili’s son named after his late uncle and the second one is Frerin’s mother and Fili’s wife Della.

Today was the day; the king of Gondor was to be crowned. Sauron had been defeated and a new age was starting in Middle Earth. Kili was excited to see Gondor, be free of war, and see his husband again for the first time in over a year. He was wearing his best princely robes, showing off his status with deep purples and many shining gems and stones that were sewn into the fabric. He was dressed to impress and he intended to make his husband fall in love with him all over again just with a single look. 

Surprisingly, Kili wasn’t nervous. He thought he would be, considering so much has changed... He’s changed. Legolas experienced things he would never understand, but he was just happy and joyful to see his love again. He imagined their reunion for months and finally he would have his love back in his arms. What could go wrong? 

\-----

Kili found himself in the halls of Gondor, walking and looking for his One and then, appearing just like magic before him, was Legolas. He looked stunning, wearing a white robe that complimented his pale skin. Kili was too stunned by his beauty to say anything, but then Legolas turned around and their eyes met. A smile broke out on Kili’s face as he approached the elf. He wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrap around him and pull him close. 

However, Legolas didn’t return his smile and Kili felt his blood run cold. The elf’s eyes were devoid of all emotion and he looked unimpressed—borderline bored.

“Thorin Oakenshield, what a surprise. Aren’t you dead?” Legolas’ voice sounded weird and distant. Kili couldn’t quite place it, but the tone of his voice matched the look in his eyes--lifeless.

“Legolas… what? It’s me. It’s Kili.” Kili wanted to reach out, to touch him, shake him until he was back to his senses, but he couldn’t stretch out his arms. 

“Kili?” It looked like Legolas was taking a moment to think this over, “Oh yes, Kili. We are… married, are we not?”

Kili couldn’t help but flinch as if he’d been stabbed in the heart. “Yes, for almost 60 years…” His eyebrows furrowed and he felt his heart start to race anxiously. “I do not understand why you are acting like this!” Kili was growing desperate. This is not how he imagined their reunion to go. He had been counting the days till he saw his beloved again. He imagined them running to close the distance, embracing like their lives depended on it, and then kissing right there like they had so many times before. Was the journey really so life changing that Legolas forgot everything about their life together? And worse yet, did he really mistake him for his late uncle? 

Legolas rolled his eyes. “I have neither the time nor patience for silly dwarves and their silly fantasties,” the elf pulled the wedding ring off his finger and let it drop to the ground as if it meant nothing. He sneered at the dwarf in front of him. “And I especially don’t have time for dwarves who look like Thorin Oakenshield, fool under the mountain. Goodbye, Kili.” His voice dripping with loathe and disgust.

Kili watched in horror as Legolas walked away from him. 

“Legolas wait!” Kili shot up from his bed, breathing heavily as he looked around the room. It was only a nightmare, a bad dream... but... it felt so real. Kili could still see Legolas’ slender figure walking away from him. He could still see the ring he spent months working on, making perfect, for Legolas on the ground. 

It hurt.

Kili laid back down and stared up at the ceiling of his room in the mountain. He had been in Erebor since Legolas left with the fellowship. There was no way he could go back to Mirkwood and live there alone, never knowing if Legolas was alive or dead and watch Thranduil give into the sadness he felt over his son’s uncertain fate. 

It was too much... so, he went to Erebor to be with his brother. He tried not to think too hard about the fate of his husband and cousin in the fellowship. It was almost easy to not think about them when Sauron’s armies found themselves on Erebor’s doorstep. Kili found himself fighting alongside his brother, Fili, the king of Erebor, for months. King Brand of Dale and their cousin Dain Ironfoot also fought by their sides, but they unfortunately fell in battle. They had fought hard and lost many but Fili proved himself a worthy king, and Kili couldn’t be more proud of his brother. That is what Kili had been thinking about and certainly not his beloved dying during his travels, or worse--falling out of love with him.

Once Kili felt like he had calmed down, he sat up in his bed and swung his legs over the side. He sat and just breathed, trying to wrap his head around what he needed to get done today. First he needed to continue to pack—he was to leave for Gondor tomorrow. Then he needed to see his traveling party and make sure they were ready to go. Kili flopped back down in his bed. After the nightmares he’s been having, he didn't want to go to Gondor anymore. What was the point? Going to Gondor was a horrifying thought, because now, all he could imagine was Legolas seeing him and being disgusted. Kili decided right then that he would stay in Erebor, forever. Legolas would go home to Mirkwood, and they would never see each other again... Perhaps it would be for the best. 

Pushing himself off the bed, Kili made his way to his bathroom. He went straight to his sink and splashed water on his face—thank Mahal for indoor plumbing—and then he made eye contact with his reflection in the mirror. Dream Legolas was right: he did look a lot like Thorin in his old age. It was almost scary, seeing his late uncle stare back at him. Kili raised his hand to his face and then looked away. He didn’t notice just how close the resemblance was until now—the same eye crinkles, the same smile, the same facial hair, even the same gray strands. It felt like a cruel trick of fate. 

\--

Kili shot off arrow after arrow, never quite hitting the bullseye. It added to his frustration so he kept firing arrows, hoping it would make him feel better.

It didn’t. 

Arrow after arrow flew until there were no arrows left in his quiver. Angrily, Kili marched over to the target and pulled the arrows out of it, letting out displeased huffs. 

Distracted by his task, Kili didn’t notice that a certain blond dwarf had entered into the archery range. 

“Brother. Please tell me you have finished packing and aren’t wasting time like you always do.”

Kili spun around and stared at Fili who had an annoying little smirk on his face. 

“I decided I am staying here, my king.” 

His voice was biting and sarcastic and it would have made Fili laugh if he wasn’t so caught off guard by this news. “What do you mean you’re staying here? You have someone waiting for you in Gondor. Or did you suffer too many blows to the head and you’ve somehow forgotten that husband of yours?”

His stomach dropped at the mention of Legolas and Kili turned away, returning to his task of retrieving the arrows. He didn’t want to talk about it, especially not to Fili. Knowing Fili, he would try to fix things and there was nothing to fix. 

“Fili just leave me alone, okay? I can stay if I wish.”

The dwarf king couldn’t help but frown at his brother’s words, “For months all you could talk about was Legolas and hoping he was okay and alive, and how much you wanted to see him again. Now you are just...not going to Gondor? Do you plan on traveling to Mirkwood then?”

Kili shook his head no.

“So your plan is to what? Never see your husband again?”

“Yes, Fili. That is exactly my plan.”

This response didn’t please Fili. 

“I’m not going to fight with you over this, but Legolas has been nothing but good to you. You two were happy together. I know the time apart was hard but he loves you, Kili, and you two deserve to be reunited. What has gotten into you?”

“He loves me…” Kili couldn’t help but chuckle sarcastically at those words. “How do you know that? So much time has passed, he has experienced things I will never understand…” Kili slowly turned around and looked his brother in the eye, his expression broken. 

“Look at me Fili! I look exactly like Thorin! From my hair down to my eyes, to my smile, to my everything… It feels like a cruel joke that you look like father and I look like uncle. Legolas will take one look at me and decide he doesn’t love me. He will see uncle and then take his ring off and tell me to get lost and I won’t…” his voice quivered as he tried to finish the sentence. 

“I won’t be able to handle it!” He reached up to wipe tears that formed in his eyes.

“I love him too much to watch him throw me away... so I’m leaving him before I get hurt.” 

His brother was quiet as he knitted his eyebrows together, “Kili… everything you say is a fantasy you have created because you are scared... but you have no reason to be. No reason at all. If Legolas looks at you and sees Thorin, then there is nothing wrong with that. There is a resemblance, sure, but that is nothing to be afraid of. But, you know what I see?” Fili paused a moment, raising one of his brows. 

“I see you, my little brother, all grown up. I see a fighter, someone who is strong and loves with all his heart. I am so proud of who you have become—Legolas will be too,” he said, smiling softly as he moved closer to his kid brother. “I’m sure he misses you and wants to see you, so go to him. Do not let your fears hold you back from the one you love.” 

Kili does not find himself convinced by his brother’s words, but he found himself moving into Fili’s personal space and wrapping his arms around his brother. He doesn’t say anything but his body starts to shake and then he knows he’s crying—hot tears falling onto his brother’s skin. 

“I’m scared. I am so scared. If he decides he doesn’t want me anymore I don’t know what I’ll do,” Kili choked out, and he clinged to Fili like he was his final lifeline.

Fili held his brother in his arms and stroked his hair, trying to be as comforting as possible. “It’ll be alright. Your fears are far behind you. If it makes you feel better, I can send you as Gimli’s welcome home party. That way you aren’t going just for Legolas.”

He let the words settle in his mind. He could do that, go for his cousin, congratulate him on a job well done. Still, he would run into Legolas sooner or later, but it wouldn’t actually matter because he wouldn’t be there for him, he would be there for Gimli.

Sure, he could do that. 

“For Gimli…” Kili sniffled as he pulled away from his brother and wiped at his face. He must look so pathetic right now, eyes red and cheeks tear stained. He never knew how Fili could still be endlessly patient with him, but he was thankful for it. Having his brother at his side unconditionally eased the pain he felt in his heart. 

“And brother,” Fili said, smirk raising on his face, “Please keep in mind that sometimes you get a little full of yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your worries.”

—

Kili delayed their departure a few days. He knew he shouldn’t be stalling, but the weather turned and he thought it wouldn't be safe to travel the long way to Gondor in the rain. He knew Fili thought he was making excuses, but again, he was grateful for how understanding his brother was. They wouldn’t miss much, only the crowning of the king and some of the festivities that would follow after. Kili had met Aragorn once before and he seemed nice enough, surely he would understand. 

Soon, they were off. 

The traveling party consisted of Kili, his oldest nephew Frerin, Gloin, and a couple of their best warriors. The party was admittedly bigger than needed but Kili figured it was better safe than sorry. 

The lands weren’t too bad now that Sauron was defeated, however, they still ran into the odd orc pack here and there. They were now desperate, fighting till the last breath. Kili was grateful that no one in their party was hurt, for even though the rain passed, the earth was still more mud than dirt. An injured dwarf in these conditions would have slowed them down considerably and then they never would make it to Gondor—not that Kili would have minded much. 

Soon they were at the gates of the white city, and it was truly magnificent. All of the dwarves were truly breath taken by the sight in front of them. The city rose in the sky, carved into the side of a mountain that rivaled even the best of their dwarven forefathers best work. 

The men at the gates were more than helpful when Kili and his kin rode up and explained their presence. They were here for Gimli, the dwarf representative of the fellowship—the guards made no mention of their late arrival and instead showed them to the stables and then to the dining hall where Gimli was sure to be. 

But if Gimli was to be there, then so would the rest of the fellowship, and Kili wasn’t ready to see Legolas. Part of him hoped he could put it off for a few days, the city was big after all, and it wouldn’t be hard to believe that they wouldn’t run into each other. 

The fear felt must’ve shown on his face because Frerin put his hand on Kili’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. He was so much like his father. 

“Uncle, I haven’t seen you look so pained since Ori stole the last scone. If you are worried King Aragorn will be scornful due to our late arrival, you shouldn't be. Father says you worry too much. And mother says you’re getting skinny. Maybe your reaction to Ori’s actions are valid…”

Kili let out a laugh. “Yes well, Fili should learn to keep things to himself and Della always complained I was too skinny. I’ll never please either of them.” 

Frerin smiled as if eased by his uncle’s laughter. It was good he didn’t know the real reason for his fears. He grew up idolizing Legolas. The two were thick as thieves, and Della used to complain that he was stealing his son. Frerin used to beg for Kili and Legolas to let him live in Mirkwood with them but the answer was always no. Mirkwood was not the place for a young, idealistic dwarf. Plus, he would one day be king of Erebor and needed to grow up with his own people, no matter how heartbroken it left him.

“I’m excited to see uncle Legolas. Do you think he will be happy to see us? And what about you?” Frerin didn’t hide the excitement he felt for it was plain on his face. It made Kili feel guilty for not sharing his nephew’s excitement but he did his best to force a smile. 

“I do think he will be,” he paused, thinking about the second question Frerin asked, “I have been dreaming of this moment,” and it was the truth—and probably more information than needed—but Kili wasn’t going to admit the dreams were more nightmares than anything. 

Frerin didn’t press for more information and for that Kili was grateful, because soon they were in the dining hall, and it was packed full of men and elves. The party was alive and well and Kili felt self conscious just walking in. 

It didn’t take long for Gimli to find them in the madness. The moment he saw his kin he was practically running over, embracing both Kili and Frerin, “My cousins! It warms my heart greatly to see you both—and alive!” Gimli took a step back and took them both in, tears forming in his eyes. But then he laid eyes on his father and the tears began to fall steadily.

“Father!” Gimli pulled him into a hug and the two held onto each other for dear life. Kili knew how much this moment meant to Gloin. He didn’t often talk about the fears he had for his son’s safety but it was obvious in the way his eyes never sparkled and how his smiles seemed more forced as the months passed. 

They all embraced some more and Gimli had question after question about home and his king and what kind of terrors found themselves at Erebor’s door step. Kili and Frerin were quick to respond.

“Father is well.”

“We battled Sauron’s forces for months.” 

“Dain fell in the battle.”

Gloin chose not to speak. The older dwarf didn’t want to cry and it seemed like he felt that if he opened his mouth then he wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. Kili didn’t comment on it. 

Gimli was saddened by the news of Dain’s passing but the smiles in the group didn’t fade. Their reunion was too sweet to be ruined by the mention of death, even if it was kin. 

“My journey was long and sometimes terrifying but it was eased by good friends. I wish to share all about the fellowship but come, we must eat!” Good old Gimli, always having food on his mind. As they passed the groups, many were quick to say hello to Gimli and he, in return, eagerly introduced his kin to them. Kili thought he had met more people on this short walk than he had in his entire life and his head was spinning with names and faces so that’s why he didn’t realize when he was stopped by strong arms surrounding him and an all too familiar voice saying his name. 

Kili’s mind was still spinning and he wasn’t snapped back to reality until there were hands cupping his face and there were blue eyes looking into his own. Legolas looked absolutely stunning, and there was a wide smile gracing his soft features. For some reason Kili was surprised how he hadn’t aged a day and he thought it was unfair considering how much older he himself looks now. 

“Meleth nin you are late. I expected you days ago and part of me started to worry that something happened to you,” Legolas brushed his cheek with his thumb. “But I hope you didn’t worry about me. I had your cousin to keep me company and save me from loneliness,” and then Legolas was leaning down and kissing him and Kili finally let himself hold onto Legolas and curl his fist into his tunic. 

Frerin let out a chuckle at the two’s embrace and then Legolas was pulling away, smiling at his nephew, “Did you miss your favorite uncle?”

Kili, who was still a bit breathless from the kiss, let out a snort. “How could he? I’m right here.”

That made Frerin and Legolas laugh but it didn’t stop the two from embracing. Kili couldn’t hide the smile that rose on his face. This was so much better than the dreams he had. Legolas wasn’t lifeless or bored, he was happy and all smiles and it made Kili feel guilty for even letting himself consider not coming to Gondor. 

But still, the dead look in dream Legolas’ eyes haunted him and he still saw the dropping of their wedding ring in his mind's eye and Kili couldn’t help but bite his lip and look away. 

One kiss didn’t change anything. There was still time for Legolas to decide he wanted nothing to do with him. Perhaps he was just keeping up appearances and acting like how an elf reuniting with his dwarf husband should. For now Kili was grateful that Legolas didn’t like to have confrontations in public. Every time he was angry he would just press his lips in a tight line and stop voicing his opinion, only to let Kili know his true feelings once they were in the privacy of their rooms. 

So that’s why Kili nearly jumped when he felt an arm around his waist and Legolas leaning in and asking, “My love, is everything alright?”

Kili couldn’t force himself to meet Legolas’ gaze but he smiled and nodded his head, “Yes, I’m just feeling a little tired.”

Legolas nodded his head at this and replied, “Then perhaps we should return to the room I picked out for us. Aragorn let me pick it out, so I kept what you would like in mind. Not too many windows so the light isn’t too strong during the day, but just enough where we can see the stars when they come out to say hello.” 

“And you wish to go now?” Kili tried not to let the fear he was feeling resonate in his voice but he heard the shakiness of the words and the tight pull of Legolas’ eyebrows.

In response, Legolas bowed his head to their kin, “If you’ll excuse us, Kili and I will be retiring to our room now.”

Frerin was quick to fake gag, earning a laugh from Gimli, “Really? It hasn’t even been an hour!”

“Frerin you must understand, Kili is all Legolas talked about for awhile! It’s only natural that they’d want to... reunite,” a smirk formed on Gimli’s face as he and Frerin kept up their snickering. 

Kili wasn’t having it. This little trip to their room was not what either of them thought it was and he couldn’t help but pinch the bridge of his nose as he glared at them both, “Frerin, you are at the age where you should know better than to say such things. And Gimli, you should not encourage him. Perhaps you both should learn to keep your mouths closed when no one asked you to open them.”

The snickering stopped immediately and Gimli and Frerin dropped their gazes to the ground.

Legolas was quick to come to Kili’s defense and say, “Kili is tired and merely wishes to lie down. It would do you both well not to say things to put people in an uncomfortable position. We will see you in the morning.”

Kili could feel Legolas’ eyes on him but didn’t meet his gaze however, out of the corner of his eye, he could see Legolas pressing his lips into a fine line and narrowing his eyes at Kili. He was in for it now. 

With a turn, Legolas headed for the door and Kili knew he was expected to follow, so he did. Before exiting completely, Legolas pulled one of the guards aside and requested for Kili’s things—which were still at the stables—to be brought up to their room, and then they were off. 

They exchanged no words on the walk to the room and, if anything, it only made Kili’s anxiety worse. Legolas was quick to make conversation with Gimli, Gloin, and Frerin and now he was silent, not even sparing Kili a glance back. 

They got back to their room and once Kili stepped in, Legolas was quick to close the door behind them. He grabbed Kili’s hand to make the dwarf face him and then he pulled Kili in for a kiss. 

Legolas pulled back quickly and rested his forehead against Kili’s, “What was that about? Have Gimli and Frerin been harrassing you? You usually aren’t quick to anger like this.”

Kili wanted to roll his eyes. What did Legolas know of him these days? They had spent almost a year and a half apart… they could be perfect strangers at this point. 

“No, I just found their comments rude. They should know better than to make suggestive comments about their elders.”

Legolas smirked at that, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth, “And what if I liked their comments? Our reunion is something I have thought about a lot…” 

At Legolas’ words, Kili felt like he wanted to curl in on himself. None of this was fair. If Legolas wanted to leave him why didn’t he just say so? Why did he have to draw it out and act like everything was fine?

“Do you think I'm a fool? I know exactly why we are here and I just want you to say it!”

Legolas tilted his head in confusion, “Because you said you were tired and I would like to hold my husband as he sleeps. Kili, what has gotten into you?”

The elf’s voice was so calm and gentle it made Kili’s skin crawl. This isn’t what he expected at all, “If you're going to leave me and end our marriage I wish you would do it now. You say many nice things Legolas but I don’t want you to feel obligated to act like you haven’t made up your mind.”

Kili wouldn’t meet his gaze and Legolas remained silent. He just wished Legolas would say something... anything. 

Finally he said, “I… I don’t understand. Kili have I… done something to upset you?” His voice broke on the last couple words and Kili finally looked up at Legolas’ face. It looked like he was about to cry. “Why would I leave you? I love you more than anything… I don’t understand why you think these things…”

Biting his lip, Kili dropped his gaze again. The sadness on Legolas’ was too much to bear, and he couldn’t stand the fact it was his words and his actions that caused this. He backed away from Legolas until he hit the back of the bed and sat down, leaving the elf standing alone in the middle of the room. 

“I think I understand… Is this payback for me being gone so long?” Kili’s lack of response answered his question, “I asked you to come with me but you said it was something I had to do on my own and that Fili needed you more than anything. Now you think I want to leave you over it? I genuinely don’t understand any of this.”

Kili frowned and kept his gaze to his lap, “That's... not all of it.” 

He remembered the words Thranduil once said to him: “the best way to have a healthy relationship is to be open and honest.” 

Kili sighed and he knew... he knew he had to be.

“I…” Finding the right words was hard and the more Kili thought them over, the more he realized just how much he let his fears try and ruin their relationship. “I kept having this dream… well, a nightmare and you…” he swallowed and then started to talk again. “You said I was Thorin, and that the resemblance was so great you didn’t recognize me at first. When you did… you took your wedding ring off and let it hit the ground and…” he paused, feeling tears form in his eyes. “All I could feel was my heart shatter every single time I had this nightmare. It was so overwhelming, because your eyes looked dead and your face was neutral and I felt like I was invisible, not seen, but…”

Legolas was quick to make his way to the bed and drop down in front of Kili, grabbing his hands with his own, “I remember you having dreams like this. You always woke up in a cold sweat about someone dying or being upset with you. You used to say waking up next to me used to settle the fears the dreams caused you and it breaks my heart knowing you’re now scared of me. Kili, please tell me you know in your heart I would never, ever, throw you away...” He cupped Kili’s face to make his husband look him in the eye, “Thorin was a kind and strong dwarf who loved you, your brother and your mother so much. He wasn’t only a good king but also a good man. So why would you resembling him cause me to love you any less?” 

The words washed over him and the gentleness in Legolas’ voice soothed the fears Kili harbored in his heart. “I don’t know… the more I think it over the more I realize how stupid my fears were. I’m sorry my love, I just… it felt so real and you’re the best thing to ever happen to me… I wouldn’t be able to go on if you decided you didn’t love me anymore.”

Legolas smiled at him, genuinely smiled, and Kili thought he didn’t deserve that at all. “My ring is right here on my finger like it has been since the day we were wed. My wedding beads are still braided in my hair, their gentle weight a constant reminder of you. I think you are the most handsome dwarf I have ever laid eyes on, and I am the luckiest elf to walk Middle Earth, because I get the pleasure of calling you my husband.”

Kili couldn’t hold it in anymore, and he started to cry. He pressed his face into Legolas’ chest and sobbed, “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, meleth nîn it’s okay,” Legolas held him close and rubbed his back, “I’m here. We’re together. Everything is going to be okay.”

He let Kili cry until the tears ran out and then Kili said, “Lie down with me my love?”

There was nothing Legolas wanted more than that. He pushed Kili back onto the bed and crawled in himself, placing his head on his pillow and then pulling Kili close. Legolas kissed his temple and then trailed kisses down his cheek and then ending with pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Please tell me you know I wouldn’t do the things that haunt your dreams.” 

Kili nodded his head, “I know you wouldn’t. I’m sorry for even thinking about it.” 

Legolas kisses him again before pressing their foreheads together, “It was a rough time. I’d be lying if I said my thoughts didn’t turn dark sometimes. But it’s okay now. We’re okay.”

Kili recaptured his lips with his own and then pulled back only enough to whisper, “We’re okay.”

The two of them lied there together, not saying much as the moonlight trickled in. The stars came out as if to say hello, that even the darkest days come to an end, and that they would be okay.


End file.
